WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE?

 I came across a successful man who disclosed in a newspaper that he had never dated a girl or found himself in a romantic relationship. As at that time I was still in my early days in the junior secondary school. And those days I already had girls that my best friend and I were crushing on and plying our ways to win their hearts. This revelation baffles me and I was challenged by this young successful man’s decision. Maybe he decided to avoid distractions that come with falling in love. I then took an oath in those days not to woo a girl until I am ready for a genuine relationship. Was I able to keep to this? Maybe! But I must confess it was not totally possible because I was always encountering beautiful people. I failed but I had to later turn such encounter to a strong bond of friendship that still exists till today.

It’s pathetic that love in our society today has been mistaken for what C. P. Varkey will call “A nice feeling which a seducer of a girl may feel”. And this does not and will never pass for what love really is. Love is not just a feeling; it comes with a cornucopia or of responsibilities. As “freedom cometh with responsibilities”, so also does having the feeling of love for anybody or thing comes with responsibilities. Once these responsibilities are not met or cannot be met or could not be met or will not be met, then it remains just a nice feeling. . 

I feel good and nice you know! I love you! Feelings are what make humans human. In fact any man or woman that does not have feelings is less human. Even the so called lower animals do have feeling though it is unbridled unlike humans who have ability to control theirs. 

Having asserted the above point that humans naturally feel, it is pertinent to note that feelings are not bad and cannot be bad intrinsically. But experience has shown that its appropriation differs. This appropriation is based on our decisions. Some decide to allow their feelings rule them, while some decisively constrain themselves. When decisions are made regarding these feelings, they might be either bad or good. We can safely say without mincing words that  nice feelings are not bad but the decisions individuals make regarding any feeling matters a lot. 

What then is this love? According to Gary Chapman, he calls the kind of love in question a rational or volitional one. And this is exactly what love is - it is a rational or volitional not the infatuation or the unreasoning emotions or attraction that parades shamelessly in our society. C.P. Varkey it was, who noted that “Love is unconditional; a decision for the others, not just a feeling.” He remarked that “Love is basically a decision to be for others, and not a nice feeling which a seducer of a girl may feel”

Love according to Dr. Michael Azuzu is more than the common answers that one hears. Dictionary answers will provide synonyms such as “feeling” and “like”. For even though feelings and liking may be sometimes involved with love, they are really extraneous to the vital essence of genuine love. Dr. Azuzu defines love “as a commitment to someone else’s good, which is best to the extent that it is conscious and unconditional. The consciousness, rationality, purposefulness, meaningfulness and unconditionality of the commitment are the two measures of its genuineness” He added that in genuine love, one does not love merely because he likes or feels; and one is not loved because of what he can do or has done, nor because of what he owns; even though these may make it humanly easier to do so. But those tools of expression that make loving easier are not equivalent to love.

Some would even perceive love as a divine thing that humans are not capable of exercising until they make recourse to the divine being. Hence, until we endeavour to lavish everything in our capability to ensure the utter development of others, then we cannot claim to know this thing called love.