WHAT IS THIS THING CALLED LOVE?

 I came across a successful man who disclosed in a newspaper that he had never dated a girl or found himself in a romantic relationship. As at that time I was still in my early days in the junior secondary school. And those days I already had girls that my best friend and I were crushing on and plying our ways to win their hearts. This revelation baffles me and I was challenged by this young successful man’s decision. Maybe he decided to avoid distractions that come with falling in love. I then took an oath in those days not to woo a girl until I am ready for a genuine relationship. Was I able to keep to this? Maybe! But I must confess it was not totally possible because I was always encountering beautiful people. I failed but I had to later turn such encounter to a strong bond of friendship that still exists till today.

It’s pathetic that love in our society today has been mistaken for what C. P. Varkey will call “A nice feeling which a seducer of a girl may feel”. And this does not and will never pass for what love really is. Love is not just a feeling; it comes with a cornucopia or of responsibilities. As “freedom cometh with responsibilities”, so also does having the feeling of love for anybody or thing comes with responsibilities. Once these responsibilities are not met or cannot be met or could not be met or will not be met, then it remains just a nice feeling. . 

I feel good and nice you know! I love you! Feelings are what make humans human. In fact any man or woman that does not have feelings is less human. Even the so called lower animals do have feeling though it is unbridled unlike humans who have ability to control theirs. 

Having asserted the above point that humans naturally feel, it is pertinent to note that feelings are not bad and cannot be bad intrinsically. But experience has shown that its appropriation differs. This appropriation is based on our decisions. Some decide to allow their feelings rule them, while some decisively constrain themselves. When decisions are made regarding these feelings, they might be either bad or good. We can safely say without mincing words that  nice feelings are not bad but the decisions individuals make regarding any feeling matters a lot. 

What then is this love? According to Gary Chapman, he calls the kind of love in question a rational or volitional one. And this is exactly what love is - it is a rational or volitional not the infatuation or the unreasoning emotions or attraction that parades shamelessly in our society. C.P. Varkey it was, who noted that “Love is unconditional; a decision for the others, not just a feeling.” He remarked that “Love is basically a decision to be for others, and not a nice feeling which a seducer of a girl may feel”

Love according to Dr. Michael Azuzu is more than the common answers that one hears. Dictionary answers will provide synonyms such as “feeling” and “like”. For even though feelings and liking may be sometimes involved with love, they are really extraneous to the vital essence of genuine love. Dr. Azuzu defines love “as a commitment to someone else’s good, which is best to the extent that it is conscious and unconditional. The consciousness, rationality, purposefulness, meaningfulness and unconditionality of the commitment are the two measures of its genuineness” He added that in genuine love, one does not love merely because he likes or feels; and one is not loved because of what he can do or has done, nor because of what he owns; even though these may make it humanly easier to do so. But those tools of expression that make loving easier are not equivalent to love.

Some would even perceive love as a divine thing that humans are not capable of exercising until they make recourse to the divine being. Hence, until we endeavour to lavish everything in our capability to ensure the utter development of others, then we cannot claim to know this thing called love.

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THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT LOVE

ALL THAT THE SOCIETY HAS TAUGHT ABOUT LOVE IS A SCAM

Love conquers all things was the very word of a preacher or writer. Love claims to be the primordial core value of all the religions of the world. In fact in most religion if not all, love is central to their preaching and spiritual life. But if this is the case for every religion, why is there still so much evil in the world?

Or is it that the entire world’s religions have failed to live out love? Or could it be that despite the incessant call to love that breeds peace and unity, followers or adherers to various religions are not doing enough to be loving? Maybe the society has taken the pride of place in the discussion of this foundation that holds every religion. Well if this is the case then I dare to say that all of what our society has bequeathed to us about love is a scam. There is need for, more than ever before for a mind fuck (that is a situation which calls into question the way your mind currently sees a certain idea or the world in general).

There is no doubt that love has got many definitions our society has given it today. These definitions stem from different sources that have become deep rooted in our minds. In this way, our society has presented to us a cornucopian ways of loving as if love itself were to be more than a single thing. And I dare to say that these love definitions or models are not only subjective ones but also selfish or possessive ones. See it for yourself when people talk about love; love is determined when you fall head to heel in love with someone, when a guy is able to foot your bills, it’s a sign he is really loving. You also hear conditions such as if you love me, you will take me out to cinema, Domino’s Pizza, to take ice-cream; if you really love me, prove it until we have sex; if you truly love me, pay my bills, schools fees, cook for me and other ‘take my responsibilities attitudes’ and possessive utterances.

It will be rare or termed strange by this same society to encounter relations out of this conditional or possessive or selfish love. For us to experience, lovely minds discuss about; plans together for the future, working together to succeed, sharing burdens, difficulties, the goods, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful of lives in unison, caring for one lovely soul as if it were for oneself, sacrificing time, talent and treasure without conditions or love of gain. I am cocksure that many individuals will be hostile to my claim. There’s actually no offence. It is due to the make-believe teachings the society has imparted and it can be difficult to let go because they are now in consonance with our mindset. But the truth remains that our society has not bequeathed to us something worthwhile as far as love is concerned.

So, we are all products of this societal scam. It will take a critical mind to pay attention on how tons of love drama or scenarios had evolved. It will take a patient mind to listen to the love stories many “broken hearts” have to say. Many have been defrauded psychologically, materially and otherwise all in the name of love.

But something screams at my face, most of these stories are nothing but sad ones. This is due to the fact the falling in love for the society is aimed at satisfying the self. And there is no gainsaying that this is far from love. Love itself comes from within a being. The love that does not seek to satisfy itself. It only aims at sacrificing its entirety to other beings and not things. This love from within does not only loves the vessel that bears (careful and intentional love of oneself) but also make choice of incessantly ensuring the growth of others.

No wonder Little Cerebos will perceive love as Lavishing Of Value on Every being. Simply put, intentionally or freely apportioning worth or importance on every being. This value is a value that comes from within. It possesses a fragrant that cannot be hidden from those that encounter such a fellow. This fragrant automatically fills others with all the goodness that accompanies it.

It will be pathetic that one will still desire to remain entangled with this societal scam. Perhaps it will take such an individual to experience what is outside the realm of this big societal scam. In this realm; love makes decision; to heals, to conquers all things, to overlooks all things, to be patient, not seek its own desire, and to values all being and other countless things this short piece will never contain. Therefore, let us keep Lavishing Value on every being - ourselves first of course (No one gives what he or she does not have), by this we shall continue to debunk, deconstruct and destroy not only all those scams about love but also other false teachings or doctrines that sell cheaply in our society today.

Happy Weekend dear reader.